If American Sports Movie Classics Were About Soccer

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"Ladybugs," "Victory" … there aren't any great sports movies about soccer. But there easily could have been if these sports movie classics would have centered their plots around the beautiful game.

Hoosiers

A small-town high school struggles to adapt to a new soccer coach who demands a defensive style. The townsfolk want a more open, offensive-style that will feature the talents of the town's one-name star: Jimaldo. Despite the struggles, the team starts to win and peaks in the final match of the season with a 12-0 victory over an inner city school that doesn't have the funding or interest to support a soccer program.

Rudy

A boy named Rudy Ruettiger grows up in Charlottesvile, Virginia, home of the Virginia Cavaliers, a premier college soccer program. He dreams of playing one day for the Cavaliers. Unfortunately, he has one problem: he is 6-foot-5 and a muscled 265 pounds — way too big for soccer. However, the coach lets him join the team as a walk-on and, thanks to hard work, he eventually gets into a game and even records a successful slide tackle during a blowout victory over lowly Notre Dame.

Field Of Dreams

After hearing a voice tell him "If you build it, he will come," an Iowa farmer named Ray Kinsella decides to build a soccer field in the middle of a corn field. Everyone tells him he's crazy because, well … soccer in Iowa? Who cares about hearing voices, soccer in Iowa is way crazier. But despite nearing bankruptcy, the farmer refuses to sell his farm because he can see greats from soccer's past playing on his pitch … including his father as a young man. In the final dramatic scene, the farmer and his father kick a soccer ball back and forth and then trade shirts. As the camera pans away, a line of cars is seen approaching the field because Kinsella was able to book an appearance at the field by Posh Spice, the wife of David Beckham.

The Natural

A top soccer prospect, Roy Hobbs, is shot by a deranged fan (who is probably Colombian). After years away from the sport, he gets a roster spot in the MLS in his late 30s. With the help of a leather cleat made from a steer that was struck by lightning, he leads his terrible team into contention. However, the team owner wants the team to lose in hopes it will fold and end his embarrassment over owning an MLS team. As the playoffs near, the old gunshot injury opens up and puts Hobbs out of action. Yet he bravely returns for the final match and takes a clutch dive, convincing the ref he is truly injured thanks to the blood seeping out of his old wound. The free kick leads to a goal and, during the opponent's last-second attempt at an equalizer, Hobbs heads the ball away from the goal mouth and into a light standard, causing it to explode.

A League Of Their Own

A women's professional soccer league launches in hopes of catching the interest of soccer fans. The league features a no-nonsense star who just wants to play the game, as well as another player who is sexually-charged and not afraid to show her bra. The league eventually folds because no one cares about professional women's soccer. This one would be a documentary about the WUSA.

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