Forty Years of Stoppage Time Added to Lazy Man’s Life

Lifelong lazy slob Richard Young of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, passed away today at 58 years of age after suffering a major heart attack. But doctors were able to add an additional 40 years of stoppage time to his life due to his sedentary lifestyle.
"The clock always stays running for everyone, but the truly lazy are so inactive that we often have to add time for them so they're able to experience all of the things in life that a more active, less slothful person does," said Milwaukee General Hospital spokesman James Hoffman. "Usually it's just a few years, but this guy was an unbelievably lazy pig. He more or less hadn't been off his couch since the early '70s."
Young's wife, Wanda, says she has mixed feelings about the added stoppage time.
"Well, if it's going to just be more of the same — nothing happening, him diving onto the couch and laying there like he's dead — I'm not sure I really want to see it," she admitted. "But maybe, now that he knows what's left on the clock, he'll pick up the pace and be what I know he can be and who I fell in love with years ago."
Young insists he'll make the most of it.
"The great thing is that so many different TV shows are on DVD and online now," he said. "You can rent an old show and eat up the better part of a month watching it. That's probably how I'll spend the extra 40 years — with some eating, napping and passing gas mixed in, of course. I still dream of the perfect fart. And now I can achieve it."