London 2012 has introduced its official mascots, Wenlock and Mandeville.Wenlock is on the left, Mandeville is on the right. Or rather: Mandeville is the one with crotchless pants, Wenlock is not.
As you can imagine, picking actual one-eyed monsters as its official mascots has opened London to international ridicule. Even more so than normal. But, sadly, having cyclops Teletubbies with fins for hands is not out of the norm for Olympics mascots.
Really. Take a look at other recent Olympics mascots.
The Vancouver Olympics ended not too long ago, so you would think you'd remember these guys. But no. Yeah, Vancouver ended up dialing back their exposure after everyone realized Quatchi there bears a striking resemblance to Pedo Bear. Whoops. Fun Fact: Quatchi is an indigenous word that means "Aggressive Raping Bear."
Terrifying. And also coated in, like, 300 layers of lead paint. Every child who hugged one died of cancer within a month. Another great form of population control from the Chinese Government.
Check out the long legs, on Neve! Like a good Italian Olympics mascot, Gliz is taking Neve back to his cartoon villa to screw all night. (Just don't go down on her, Gliz. Your ice cube head will melt.)
Holy. What the hell? Is the thing on the left a llama with a face on the back of it's head? Or a smiling woman with some sort of severe skull deformation? And stop smiling, blue guy. Your economy is about to collapse, and no way you'll be able to flee with those enormous feet.
Salt Lake City 2002
The mascots for the Salt Lake Games — a bear, a coyote and a rabbit — were clearly, unlike other Olympic mascots, not designed by someone on psychotropic drugs. And that's the problem. This was the 2002 Winter Games, held a few months after 9/11. Any terrorist could have plunked down $20 for a rental at a costume shop and been given access to every venue.
Olly, Syd and Millie were three native Australian animals chosen as mascots for the Sydney 2000 Games. They represent earth, air and water. "Olly", a kookaburra, epitomizes the Olympic spirit of generosity and universal generosity (from Olympic); "Syd", a platypus, represents the environment and captures the vigor and energy of Australia and its people (from Sydney); "Millie", an echidna, is a techno-whiz and information guru, with all the facts and figures at her fingertips (from Millennium).
Also, they were all felons sent to Australia when it was a penal colony. Olly pecked the face off of a homeless man. Syd stabbed a woman in a failed robbery attempt. And Millie sells crack.
Not a joke. These are the actual mascots for Nagano '98.They are supposedly owls called Snowlets — as in "snow" "let's." Really. I suppose like: "Let's do stuff in the snow!" The names — Sukki, Nokki, Lekki and Tsukki — were chosen from 47,484 suggestions sent in by the public. The other 47,483 things sent in by the public were death threats for the mascots' designer.
Okay. So now I guess we know the motive for the guy who bombed the Atlanta Games.
The mascot for all the ancient Olympic Games held in Greece was Tiny The Penis. Say "hi", Tiny! Oh. Never mind. Looks like Tiny is in his Winter Games form.