Danica Patrick Nags Car to 5th Place Finish in Indy 500

Danica Patrick earned one of her best finishes ever at the Indianapolis 500 on Sunday thanks to incessantly nagging her car around the track.
"You have to keep on the car," said Patrick. "My car and my team. They're all worthless and they need to be reminded of that at every opportunity or nothing good will ever happen. I tell my car at least every lap that it's lucky to have me in it and that it's making me look bad."
Patrick started the race the 23rd spot but finished fifth. "And I had to do it almost all by myself," she said. "My car kept being all like: 'Wah! I need gas! I need tires!' It's pathetic. You don't see me asking for that stuff. But do I get credit for that? Pfft. Right. I don't get credit for anything, even though I'm the best driver out here."
Dave Shipley, Patrick's crew chief, admitted that dealing with Patrick can get tiresome. "But, oh God, please don't tell her I said that," Shipley begged. "Please. If she finds out I said something bad about her, I'll be in big trouble. You have no idea."
Other sources close to Patrick say they are not sure how much longer her car can put up with it.
"We all know there are certain rules about how you treat a driver," said an anonymous crew member. "But she better watch herself. If she keeps running her little trap, I think the car is going to snap and crash her into a wall. Not that I think that's okay. But sometimes you have it coming, you know?"