A-Rod’s Batting Average Falls to .165 When Your Friend Steve is Watching

After an 0-for-4 game at the plate against the Mets on Sunday, star Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez saw his career batting average dip to .165 during games your friend Steve is watching.
“I think it’s .165. Might be a little less. It’s at least something sucky like that,” says Steve. “You know, I don’t know why people talk about A-Rod being so great. He never does dick when I see him play.”
In addition to possibly hitting around .165 in the 15 or so Yankees games Steve has seen on the YES Network or in-person over the past few years, Rodriguez only has four, maybe five home runs.
"Yeah, he’s hit a few,” says Steve. “But that’s in close to 100 plate appearances. And to my recollection, not a single one of them meant anything. They were all pointless home runs that came with a big lead or the Yankees trailing by a bunch.”
Steve admits seeing Rodriguez hit pretty well in the playoffs last year.
“But the games I saw, their pitchers grooved it right down the middle of the plate,” says Steve. “I could have hit those pitches out. My grandmother could have hit them out. A-Rod putting that one over the fence was just the exception that proves the rule, you know? I’ll start giving him some credit when he hits a walk-off at every game I see. For $25 million a year, he should be doing that. At the very least.”
Despite A-Rod’s peculiar struggles while your friend Steve is watching, Steve says he isn’t giving up on the Yankees.
“A-Rod is just lucky that Derek Jeter is hitting, like, .875 when I watch him,” says Steve. “That dude is money.”