Yeah, Well, Duke Sucks at Football

Duke may have won the 2010 men's NCAA Tournament with a thrilling 61-59 victory over the underdog Butler Bulldogs, but the fact remains that they suck at football, the only sport that really matters.
The national title was the fourth for Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski, or one more than the number of bowl games Duke's football team has won in its 115-year history.
"Congratulations, Coach K," Jim Nantz of CBS said during the trophy presentation ceremony. "You are undoubtedly one of the greatest basketball coaches of all-time. Too bad you know dick about football. You could have really been a legend."
Duke's Kyle Singler led the way in the championship game with 19 points and nine rebounds and was named the Final Four's Most Outstanding Player, but he would probably get snapped in half if he tried to catch a pass going across the middle. Senior guard Jon Scheyer added 15 points, six rebounds and five assists, but at 6'5", 190 pounds, would obviously be playing quarterback somewhere if he was a man and had any real athletic ability.
David Cutliffe, Duke's head football coach, congratulated the team for winning its first title since 2001, but stressed that if any of them had a sack or the slightest bit of physical talent, they would be playing on Saturdays in the fall.
"Greg Paulus, their starting point guard for years, couldn't play on our football team," he said. "I think that says something. We may not have the wins they do. In fact, we haven't had a winning season in 16 years. But at least we're a major league sport."
BCS commissioner John Swofford says the 2010 NCAA Tournament proved the superiority of the BCS system.
"Duke would not have been in the title game if basketball did it the way the BCS does," he said. "Game, set, match, BCS."
Butler head coach Brad Stevens called the loss disappointing.
"I don't know if I'll ever get over it," he said. "We don't even have a Division I-A football team at Butler. It's so pathetic."