Roger Goodell Warns Players Against Participating In "Fucked Up Bullshit"

NFL Commissioner RogerGoodellheld a press conference Wednesday to reiterate his strict stance on violations of the NFL conduct policy, adding emphasis on making sure players do not "get caught up in dumbass fucked up bullshit."

After recent incidents involving NFL players Ben Roethlisberger, Santonio Holmes, and Antonio Cromartie,Goodellsaid he felt it was important to remind the league about possible suspensions and even expulsions for involvement in behavior that could be construed as "ridiculously stupid," "fucking mindless," and "just straight up dumb."

"As a member of the NFL, you are held to a higher standard and expected to conduct yourself in a way that is responsible and represents the league in positive way," saidGoodell. "Don't be a fucking moron. Use your goddamn brain."

Goodellcontinued by adding that no action by a member of the NFL should make people shake their heads in disgust, slap their foreheads, or want to call their local sports radio show to go on a swear-filled rant.

Despite recent allegations, a report from CBS Sportssays arrests, major citations, meat-headed fuck-ups for NFL players are down by nearly 50-percent in the past year compared to the year beforeGoodellimplemented his policy in April 2007.

According to the report, 28% of player arrests are DUIs, 22% involves fighting and disorderly conduct, and the other 50% are the stupidest fucking bullshit that even a two-year-old would know not to do.

When asked to address the sexual assault allegations against Ben Roethlisberger,Goodellsaid, "The issue is [Roethlisberger] has had a pattern of poor behavior, and I will take it into consideration when deciding on a punishment. Every player in the league, every coach, and every associate most be held accountable in upholding these standards."

AddedGoodell: "Just doing be a fucking twat, okay?"