Vancouver 2010 Olympians: Where are they now?

For two weeks every four years, Olympians dominate the world stage. But then they quickly fade back into oblivion. What became of all the stars of the Vancouver Olympics after the Games ended?
SportsPickle takes a look.

Evgeni Plushenko— Russia: figure skating
Plushenko continued to live in denial over his silver medal. He later became President of the Soviet Union, led the nation to a resounding defeat of the United States via superior figure skating jumps, flew to Neptune on the back of a unicorn, and deep down inside knew that everyone totally envied his rad haircut.
Johnny WeirUSA: figure skating
After 25 years of being made fun of, Weir decided to step in line and bought a bunch of cheap, ill-fitting jeans, a few plaid shirts, and some baseball hats. Today he works at a steel mill and plays third base for the company softball team. Good for him!
Shani DavisUSA: speed skating
The Chicago native used his own money to build inner city speed skating rinks in cities throughout the country, hoping to earn back his money via rink memberships, lessons and ticket sales to speed skating events. He went bankrupt.
Shaun White USA: snowboarding
After winning gold in the men's halfpipe, White went on to stomp an endo on a flippy mix trip top double McRondo with a tight stack hitch triple rex. He later tricked a stoked quad mac on a hemi track triple purple slide over tap double lexicon, which he still does to this day.
Kim Yu-na — South Korea: figure skating
Kim continued to skate and win championships. In 2027, despite years of efforts from her trainers and handlers to prevent it, she hit puberty. Luckily it came at the beginning of a long routine in Stars on Ice, and by the time the routine was over, menopause had begun, allowing her to keep her girlish figure.
Evan Lysacek USA: figure skating
Lysacek continued skating. To a younger generation, he is probably best known for the song "What Would Evan Lysacek Do?", featured in a 2021 irreverent animated movie.
Lindsey Vonn USA: skiing
Vonn continued skiing along with fellow American medalist Julia Mancuso. One day, while skiing in Vail, they both collided so hard they knocked each other out. Also, the impact was so violent all of their clothes flew off. Luckily, I was there on vacation. So they're laying there naked in the snow and I give them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. They both wake up and are so happy to be alive they kiss each other. A lot. And they do a lot more than just kiss, if you know what I mean. Then, they're so grateful to me for saving their lives, that they (still naked!) take me back to the lodge and we do it for, like, hours and hours on a bear-skin rug in front of a roaring fire. This may have been a dream.
Sidney Crosby — Canada: hockey
Having accomplished everything a hockey player could ever hope to accomplish by the age of 22, Crosby retired from the sport and got married and raised a family, happily living off the millions of dollars he made in his brief and remarkably successful athletic career, content with his life. A complete and total failure.
Bode Miller USA: skiing
Miller retired soon after the Vancouver Games and fell out of the limelight. But the name "Bode" remains popular among hippie parents who live in cold climates and hate their children.
Apolo Anton OhnoUSA: short track speed skating
As the winner of the most medals by an American in Winter Olympics history, Ohno continued to build on the celebrity that earned him a spot on "Dancing With The Stars". He went on to appear on "Celebrity Apprentice", "I'm a Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here!", "Celebrity Fit Club", and "Fat Celebrities Dancing and Making Business Deals in the Jungle". He was the most enduring "star" of the 2010 Games.
Steve Holcomb USA: bobsled
After piloting the U.S. to its first bobsled gold in 62 years, Holcomb was sought out by investors and the U.S. government to help replace the automobile and remake the American transportation infrastructure via zero-fuel bobsled technology. Icy, pitched tracks were built all across the country. A person could get in a bobsled in New York City (at 10,000 feet) and — three hours later — be in Los Angeles powered only by gravity. Unfortunately, the unexpected cost of refrigerating all but a few of the most northern tracks was not accounted, nor were the lawsuit costs from the many Americans who died in bobsled crashes. The United States went bankrupt and was taken over by Soviet leader Plushenko.