Tutor Took Press Conference Questions for John Wall

NCAA officials are investigating allegations that a University of Kentucky tutor answered reporters’ questions in place of freshman basketball star John Wall at a press conference yesterday.
Explained NCAA spokesman Gary Marshall, “There were some inconsistencies in John’s answers that constitute as red flags, and we’re going to do our due diligence, but it’s important to recognize that John is innocent until proven guilty.”
New York Times reporter Todd Smith, who has been covering Wall and Kentucky all season, was the first to notice some odd answers. “John is a pretty simple and straightforward guy, but yesterday things seemed off. For starters, he was adamant that his team not look ahead, ‘lest we turn our next matchup into a trap game, comparable to the trap the Rebel Alliance fell into during the climactic battle ofReturn Of the Jedi.’ I’ve been to dozens of Kentucky press conferences this season, and this was definitely the first time John mentioned General Ackbar in any way.”
Dan Crowley of The St. Pete Times first became curious when Wall wondered aloud if the idea of the win or go home concept of the Tournament was, “perhaps a bit too Machiavellian” for his tastes, and was especially perplexed when Wall proceeded to explain that the winning team would be whichever was able to, “put the orange spherical object through the netted rims at the highest frequency during the allotted time.”
Kentucky coach John Calipari defended his point guard.
“These allegations are completely ludicrous. The fact that John decided to reference Star Wars andThe Princeat yesterday’s press conference only reinforces the fact that he’s been paying attention in his film studies and political science classes here at Kentucky.”
Kentucky fans have also been supporting Wall, with some going as far as to say the idea that the NCAA would investigate Wall purely because he was speaking eloquently is racist.
“I don’t see how it could be racist,” said St. Pete Times reporter Crowley. "Because from today's press conference, apparently John Wall is a 5’8" white guy in his mid-thirties.”


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