The 7 People in Every NCAA Tournament Pool

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Why He's Doing It: He's in this and 15 other pools as a way to fill the void left by his high school basketball career. (They could've won Districts!)

How He Picks Teams: Based on a 55-point system he developed while skipping a week of work, which combines the analysis of more then 150 experts.

Where He'll Finish in the Standings: Just out of the money. But it's okay — he "totally won" every other pool he was in.

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Why He's Doing It: Not really a basketball fan, but his alma mater — Something Something Directional State at Someplace (there may also have been a "Tech" in there) — is in the Tournament for the first time in 50 years!

How He Picks Teams: He's picking the alma mater, the Fightin' Embarrassments, to win it all even though they're so bad they were slotted for the play-in game. The rest of the field will be picked by his cat.

How He'll Finish in the Standings: In second-to-last place … but he would have won it all if he hadn't picked his alma mater.

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Why He's Doing It: Literally the only reason he's doing it is to have a chance to look at your bracket and say something like: "Really? Them? That's, uh … interesting."

How He Picks Teams: What teams he picks are not important. What is important is what team you picked, because it will always be the wrong team and this will bring great joy to his big, stupid face.

How He'll Finish in the Standings: Out of the running for money, but one place ahead of you because the universe hates you and you will never be truly happy.

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Why They're Doing It: They're taking this as an opportunity to become closer with one another.

How They Pick Teams: Together, as partners. Whether they win or lose is irrelevant because they're sharing in this fun activity!

How They'll Finish in the Standings: In last place and separated by the time The Masters rolls around next month.

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Why He's Doing It: To fit in with everyone else and show them that he's a pretty cool guy. But mainly to keep an eye on everything and make sure no one is using too much company time or property.

How He'll Pick Teams: He's read every self-help and leadership book ever written by a coach, he uses their terrible advice each day in the office and he's picking their teams to get to the Final Four BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN ALL WALKS OF LIFE!!!

How He'll Finish in the Standings: In the money. Money he doesn't need. And money he'll use to upgrade to an even douchier Bluetooth earpiece.

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Why She's Doing It: She initially thought she was signing up to bring jello to a coworker's office birthday party.

How She Picks Teams: Cutest mascot or, if neither mascot is cute, whichever team's colors come closest to reminding her of spring. Oh, how she loves spring!

Where She'll End Up in the Standings: 1st place!

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Why You're Doing It: To have some fun, gain a rooting interest in the NCAA Tournament and maybe win some money.

How You'll Pick Teams: Using the knowledge you gleaned from whatever college basketball you watched this year, a couple minutes of additional research, and then some hunches and upset picks.

Where You'll End Up: Way out of the money, but glad you did it. (Note: this is the general "you". Not you you. You'll be PISSED.)


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