Rudy Gay Files Paperwork to Change Jersey Name

On the heels of the news that Lebron James would be switching numbers beginning next season, Memphis Grizzlies forward Rudy Gay has filed the requisite paperwork to change the name on the back of his jersey. As is the case with James's decision, the move is widely speculated to be a marketing ploy.
Despite a high-profile college career at UConn and a productive four-year NBA career, Gay ranked second-to-last in jersey sales last year, with only three being sold: one to a gay Grizzlies fan, one to a Memphis college student who was drunk, and one to Grizzlies equipment manger Scott Fiore who misplaced Gay's real jersey before a game last year against the Sixers.
"It was really embarrassing for me to have to do that," said Fiore. "Not losing his real jersey. That happens from time to time. But going up to our team store and actually purchasing it. I said I wanted a number 22 jersey, just trying to get in and get out without getting noticed. But the sales lady was all like: 'You mean a GAY jersey? Really? A jersey with GAY on it? That's what you want? A GAY one. You want a GAY jersey, is that correct, sir? GAY?' Really loud so everyone could hear."
The NBA league office confirmed that Gay, whose jersey sales rank behind only Warriors reserve swingman Demarcus Longtaint, would be making a switch, but refused to disclose what the new name would be. A source within the Grizzlies organization stated on the condition of anonymity that Gay was deciding between "Pussyslayer", "Thundercock", and the Chinese character for virility.
Gay will unveil his new jersey name at a press conference this Friday, to be held at the Platinum Rose gentlemen's club in downtown Memphis.