Pirates to bat pitcher fourth

Pirates manager John Russell announced today that he will bat the pitcher fourth in the lineup this year because "F—k it. Why not?" he said. Russell had been considering putting the pitcher in the eighth spot, but eventually decided fourth was the way to go as part of a drastic attempt to end Pittsburgh's 17-year string of losing seasons. As far as other changes, No. 9 hitter Ronny Cedeno will hold his bat upside-down, leadoff hitter Akinori Iwamura will be told to just "stand there and hope for a walk," and first baseman Jeff Clement will forfeit his at-bats to keep the games moving.