Football recruit scouting reports are kind of creepy

Wednesday is college football National Signing Day. It's like Christmas Day for recruiting experts.
You know, recruiting experts: grizzled, older men who spend their days staring at muscled teenagers and describing their bodies.
Yes, it's plenty creepy.
And here are some actual scouting reports on a few of this year's top recruits. Really. Grown men wrote the following things about teenagers. It's amazing more of these guys aren't locked away.
Seantrel Henderson, OL (ranked No. 2 prospect overall by Rivals) —"Upper and lower body structure is in proportion and he has the powerful base to blow anyone off…""His butt is down and his back is about as flat as you could expect from a 6-foot-8 man."
Sharrif Floyd, DT (No. 4 by Rivals) — "He gets so low and comes … so hard …"
Keenan Allen, S (No. 5 by Rivals) — "… like a smooth jungle cat …"
Owamagbe-Odighizuwa, DE (No. 8 by Rivals) — "He is very similar in size but a tad thicker than Ronald Powell."
Marcus Lattimore, RB(No. 10 by Rivals) — "… needs to work on getting up …"
Dominique Easley, DT (No. 12 by Scout) — "… has good get-off …"
Robert Crisp, OL (No. 13 by Rivals) — "…mammoth-sized grizzly bear."
Lache Seastrunk, RB (No. 15 by Scout) — "He does a great job of finding the opening then bursting through the seam and finishing …"
Jordan Hicks, LB (No. 16 by Rivals) — "…long, lean … with excellent overall body structure and muscle tone."
Dillon Baxter, RB (No. 17 by Rivals) — "… can take continual punishment. … has soft hands … but can also take the pounding … on a daily basis."
Chris Martin, DE (No. 18 by Rivals) — "Every time you see Martin he is bigger and more muscular."
Spencer Ware, ATH (No. 19 by Rivals) — "Ware may be too big physically at this point. He is thick enough …"
Gabe King, DE (No. 30 by Rivals) — "… works his butt … His body type only comes around once in a blue moon."
Alert Chris Hansen!