Tim Tebow: Scout’s notes

Tim Tebow is under the watchful eye of NFL scouts at the Senior Bowl. One scout gave SportsPickle access to his notes on the former Florida star.

Name: Tim Tebow
Height:6-3
Weight: 245
College: Florida
Position: QB
Strengths: Strength is a strength. He can bench max 450 pounds. I have also seen internet reports saying that when he does pushups, he's actually pushing the world down. … Has very quick hands. Able to skin and filet a small boy's penis in under 10 seconds. … Jumps well. Can jump above the line to throw a pass or all the way up to heaven — ascend, really — to sit at his Father's right hand. … Very smart. Got good grades at Florida and graduated first in his class in home school. … Very strong runner. Lowers shoulder, drives legs, yells "The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!"… Understands the game. Very smart player. So he probably knows deep inside that he'll never be a starting quarterback in the NFL. … Born leader. Actually yelled out from inside his mother during labor: "Push! Push!" … Will sell tickets. Or whatever it is that third-string quarterbacks do on the side. Fetch water, etc.
Weaknesses: Not very accurate. In fact, while he is indeed a virgin, he has tried to have sex many times but was never able to put it in the right place. … Has a long delivery. Yes, he's from the South. But spit it out, guy. The day is short. Enough with the "yes, sir", "no, sir" crap. … Has only worked out of the spread offense in college. Needs to learn the wildcat. Or whatever it will be called that he runs. Wild Jesus maybe?


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