The SportsPickle Movie Review: "The Tooth Fairy"

SportsPickle reviews every sports movie that is released in theaters. Unfortunately, the site is never given tickets to premieres or even sent review copies of movies. Rude, right?
But that doesn't mean we can't still serve you, the sports movie consumer.
So here is the SportsPickle review of "The Tooth Fairy", based only on what could be gleaned from the trailer.
[Please watch the trailer first.]

"Tooth Fairy" synopsis
Former pro wrestler The Rock plays in a hockey league in which it’s very easy to dislodge the teeth of opposing players. Let’s assume it’s in England. In addition to playing hockey, he also hates children. Especially ones with curly hair, even if it’s the daughter of the chick he’s banging (played by the non-obese Judd sister).
Fearing he will be replaced on the team by a younger player, The Rock takes some steroids. Unfortunately – and unbeknownst to him – they are laced with acid. He thinks he sprouts wings and then the next thing he knows he’s talking to that NILF from “The Sound of Music” … only now she’s a GILF. Oh, and she also has wings. Pretty f’d up, no?
Anyway, he’s totally tripping. He dresses up in tights and experiments with his sexuality. Billy Crystal shows up, reprising his frequent role as an old Jewish woman. And thinking he has special powers, The Rock starts breaking into kids’ rooms to touch them while they’re sleeping. Disgusting.
As the high starts to fade, The Rock gets paranoid and angry and hates himself for all the child molestation he did. He dresses up in his hockey gear and becomes violent. He even tries to kill himself by jumping off a balcony.
Even after he comes down and returns to hockey, he starts having flashbacks and thinks he has all the same powers. When he learns the harsh reality that he does not, he becomes addicted to angel dust.
All in all, this is worth seeing if you’re into drug movies. But I don’t know how it’s rated PG. Kids should NOT see this movie.
3-of-5 SportsPickles


Advertisement