Even die-hard "Jersey Shore"fanatics may be surprised to learn that cast member Sammi “Sweetheart” played four seasons of NCAA Division III soccer as a midfielder for William Paterson University.
Even more surprising is that her housemates have all had similar forays into the sporting world. Here’s a look at the guidos’ and guidettes’ athletic exploits.
Cast Member: Sammi Sweetheart
Secret Ability: Although she might not have been the most physically gifted, Sammi could whine, pout, and flop for calls with a shamelessness that even the Italian national team envied.
Eventual Downfall: Quit the team mid-game after a coach gave her an encouraging pat on the back. Left the stadium in tears, yelling: “No! You just traumatized me! No man will ever lay a hand on me like that again!”
Cast Member: Snooki
Secret Ability: A ferocious post game. Although her tiny stature wouldn’t suggest a low-post monster, Snooki’s extremely low center of gravity made her impossible to move once she got position on the blocks. Also, many defenders tried to block her face, thinking it was a basketball, which allowed her to pick up easy fouls.
Eventual Downfall: Repeated defensive lapses brought about by wandering off the court and asking male fans for their phone numbers during games. Further erratic play was likely due to Snooki’s decision to replace her blue Gatorade with blue Curacao.She was eventually suspended from the league for wearing shorts that repeatedly rode up, exposing her ass.
Cast Member: J-WOWW.
Sport: Lingerie football
Secret Ability: As a linebacker, J-WOWW effectively used her oversized, rock-hard implants as a second tackler each time she made a hit. "After I tackle a girl I will rip her head off," she bragged.
Eventual Downfall: Despite her on-field abilities, J-WOWW was released when her taste in hot pants and plastic surgery were dubbed “terribly sleazy even by Lingerie Football League standards.”
Cast Member: Ronnie
Sport: Mixed martial arts
Secret Ability: Fueled by several rare steroids found only in his bloodstream, Ronnie’s punching and ground game had an unusual ferocity.
Eventual Downfall: Turned into a pussy upon seeing an opponent cry. Would often release submission holds to let opposing fighters know how much they meant to him and that he wouldn’t hurt them again. He promises this time. God, he just loves them so much. You have no idea, bro.
Cast Member: DJ Pauly D
Secret Ability: Able to gain a slight weight advantage over opposing cyclists by wearing product-heavy hairstyle in lieu of an actual helmet.
Eventual Downfall: Blown-out hair provided far too much wind resistance for Pauly D to sustain any competitive speed. Skipped the final stage of the Tour de France when he got a DJ-ing gig at a Paris nightclub.
Secret Ability: ???
Eventual Downfall: Who knows? Angelina wasn't on the show very long. We don't know much about her. Maybe she's a big WNBA star or something.
Cast Member: Vinny
Secret Ability: A true golfer’s penchant for only doing something interesting once or twice an hour.
Eventual Downfall: Gave up the game after being repeatedly ejected from tournaments when the rhinestones in his Ed Hardy shirts threw distracting light into fellow golfers’ eyes.Was disqualified from a Q-school when his mom showed up and vacuumed a sand trap for him.
Cast Member: The Situation
Secret Ability: While nothing special in terms of balance or coordination, The Situation had the most important attribute of any great snowboarder: the ability to talk and act like an absolute douchebag at all times.
Eventual Downfall: Suffered from life-threatening frostbite as a result of constantly pulling up his snow jacket to show off his abs.