John Wall Declares Intention to Enter Drunken Freshman

In an announcement widely anticipated by Kentucky basketball fans across Lexington, freshman point guard sensation John Wall today declared his intentions to enter drunken freshman Ashley Harbrough.
At a hastily convened press conference this afternoon, flanked by his mother and UK coach John Calipari, Wall announced the news to the Wildcat faithful.
“Obviously, this won’t come as a shock to you,” said a quiet but confident Wall. “But since I arrived here on the Kentucky campus, many very interesting opportunities have come my way. I think the time has come for me to see what I can do out there, and that’s why today, I am making it official that I plan on entering Ashley Harbrough at approximately 10:15PM this evening.”
Wall said he has already filed the necessary paperwork needed to enter Harbrough. But he added that he has yet to hire an agent, and that he can choose to pull out of Harbrough at any time if he pleases.
“This was not the easiest decision to make,” said Wall in a surprising move. “I had plenty of other options. Lisa. Angela. Pamela. Renee. I could have entered any of them. But to me, Ashley Harbrough is where it’s at.”
When reached for comment, a visibly drunk and bleary-eyed Harbrough reacted to the news with great enthusiasm. “John Walllll? Oh, I LOVE HIM! OMIGOD, he is like a God around here. I’d totally let him do whatever he wanted to me. In the mouth, whatever. He’s just like… amazing! I’M GONNA DO JOHN WALL WOOOOOOOOO!!!!”
Wall is just the sixth freshman in Kentucky history to declare early for entering Harbrough. The last to do so was sophomore and Delta Upsilon member Brinks Campbell, back in October of 2009.


Advertisement