Images from Pete Carroll’s Revealing Seahawks Press Conference

New Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll had an introductory press conference that won't be forgotten for a long time.

Carroll: Thank you all. Please be seated.

Before I talk about this exciting new challenge here with the Seattle Seahawks, I want to first talk about USC and what I left behind there.
The women. The women in Southern California are so beautiful, it almost blows your mind when you think about it.

Just try to picture them in your mind. Amazing.
I'm talking girls — hot girls, women — you could just take from behind like this.

Oooooooh. So nice.
And then there was the motorboating.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. So many good times. Like heaven. Like riding a motorboat up to heaven.
Yeah, you guys know what I'm talking about.

I'm telling you, most days I'd walk around with a chubby like this.

I'm a 58 year-old man, remember. That's nothing to sneeze at.
I mean, you guys know what I'm talking about, am I right?

You get older, things don't work quite as well. And it's not all our fault either. Our wives' bodies have gone to hell, am I right?
But then you see some of this hot ass walking around L.A. and it's like — BOOM! — you feel like you're 19 years-old again.
Wait … what did you say?

My wife is HERE? At this press conference? She said she couldn't make it because …
Oh, hi, dear!

Carroll: You look amazing. You know I was just joking about all that stuff, right?
Mrs. Carroll: Ha-ha. Oh, sure. Just like I'll be joking when I cut your nuts off.
Carroll: (Gulp)

Seahawks CEO Tod Leiweke: Keep this on your lap tonight, Pete. We don't want to lose you already.
Carroll: I definitely will. Thank you.