Horribly Old Person Reminds You Only 21 Days Until Pitchers and Catchers Report

Whitey McCloud, a very frail 98-year-oldman living on your street, stopped you today as you were heading to your car to remind you that there are only 21 days left until pitchers and catchers report to spring training.
“Can you hear it?Can you smell it in the air?I’m sure all you kids out there are ready to leave your compunets and carphones behind to soak in the sight of our grand game!” asked Jackson, whose brain may or may not be at last failing him.“Just 21 days.Only three weeks left until that magical time of year!”
When you informed McCloud that you were unaware of what he was referring to, McCloud offered a look of both disgust and horror.“Baseball, my boy!BASEBALL!Jeezum crow, has time passed me by so much that youngsters today can’t even get excited about baseball anymore!” asked McCloud, whom time has passed by with considerable swiftness and cruelty.
McCloud, who has gray hair sprouting from seemingly very orifice, also took time while stopping you to regale you with endless anecdotes about watching baseball and/or listening to baseball on the radio in the family parlor back when he was a very small child.“I remember when ol’ Joey Tin Shoes and I snuck into Ebbets Field!Now THAT was a day!We got peanuts for a nickel and had the time of our lives!Let’s see you do that while playing your Space Instigators!”
Psychologist Frank Marron of Carnegie Mellon University notes that, around this time of year, many elderly Americans feel the urge to express excitement over the beginning of baseball.
“It’s a signpost in their lives,” explains Marron.“It means that they’ve made it another year, and that there may be hope that they’ll live long enough to see at least one meaningless split squad game.Or, if they’re lucky, that they’ll live through yet another entire, seemingly interminable baseball season.”
Marron says McCloud, who apparently is unaware of the existence of more exciting sports such as football, displays many of the characteristics common to baseball fans who have been seemingly fossilized in amber for hundreds of years.“Notice how disappointed he looks when you tell him you think baseball is boring.That’s very common.Among the elderly, the brain has deteriorated to the point where they cannot comprehend the idea that baseball is dull and pointless, especially with the advent of the Internet and MMORPG gaming.”
For his part, McCloud appeared undeterred by your indifference.He handed you a dime.“That’s for a bleacher seat, sonny.NOW GET READY FOR THE BOYS OF SUMMER!”


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