Handicapper: NFL Wildcard Round

4:30 p.m. ET
New York Jets at Cincinnati (-2.5)
Rex Ryan says he thinks the Jets should be the Super Bowl favorite. Crazy, right? Here's what Ryan said: “You know the way I feel. I think we have the best defense and the best rushing game. That’s two factors in our favor." So wait … he didn't say anything about Mark Sanchez being good or a factor in their favor? Oh, jeez. This is nothing. Rex Ryan isn't "crazy" crazy. He's just really dumb. Here I was trying to find a straight-jacket for the guy. And failing miserably, I might add.
My pick: Cincinnati
8:00 p.m. ET
Philadelphia at Dallas (-3.5)

An Eagles team employee filmed himself spitting on the midfield star at Cowboys Stadium last week. Many people were upset by this. Ridiculous. Wait until this week when Donovan McNabb vomits on it.
My pick: Dallas
1:00 p.m. ET
Baltimore at New England (-3.5)
The Patriots are DOOMED! How can they ever replace the great Wes Welker?! How can they ever find someone who — after Randy Moss takes half the defense deep down the field with them — can step into that massive open space in the middle of the field and catch a pass thrown from as far as eight or nine yards away? It's HOPELESS! There are literally millions of paraplegics in the world, so they can't use the (unless they're the kind who have motorized chairs like Stephen Hawking). Then you add all the people who don't have hands and are unwilling to be coated in stick'em. And then you add in babies and, well … the Patriots only have about five billion people to pick from to fill this important role. It's unfayuh!
My pick: New England
4:40 p.m. ET
Green Bay at Arizona (PK)
Last week's win was huge for Aaron Rodgers' confidence. Until beating Kurt Warner and the Cardinals, he had an 0-2 career record against grizzled old men.
My pick: Green Bay

Last week vs. spread: 10-6

Last week just winners: 12-4
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Season vs. spread: 135-115-4
Season just winners: 176-79
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***Lukewarm Locks last week: 0-1

***Lukewarm Locks season: 18-17