FireNorv.net Acquired by Google in $1 Billion Deal

Google, Inc. has purchased the website FireNorv.net for $1 billion, a deal that gives the internet giant control of the most-trafficked and most-established "Fire Coach" website in the world.
"Since 1994 when the Internet was first coming into broad use in homes, FireNorv.net was already there thanks to Norv Turner's 3-13 season with the Washington Redskins," read Google's statement announcing the deal. "Through the dotcom bubble and beyond, the FireNorv.net's growth has continued thanks to Norv Turner's continued failure in Washington, Oakland and San Diego. We are excited to lead this growth into the new decade and beyond."
Most industry analysts say Google got a huge bargain in the deal considering Turner's now three-decade stranglehold on coaching ineptitude at the professional level. But FireNorv.net's owner says he was happy with the $1 billion figure.
"It's never been about the money," he said. "It's always been about making sure Norv Turner never gets to coach another team. I can't believe we've been around for 16 years. When we were just a start-up, most said we wouldn't last more than a year tops. Norv was that bad."
And he still is. Yet the coach keeps getting opportunities, which is why Google doesn't see risk in making the deal now, when Turner could get fired by the Chargers.
"If the Chargers let him go, he'll probably get hired by the Bills," said industry analyst Jeremy Rogers. "FireNorv.net's business model is built as much on Norv Turner being a moron as it is on NFL general managers being morons. It's very sound."
Google will immediately plug FireNorv.net into its keyword engine, bringing the site traffic when anyone searches for keywords such as "failure", "loss", "unmitigated f—king disaster", "Hindenburg", and "Is Norv really his name?".
Analysts expect Google to earn back its purchase price in the first year, especially if Turner makes another playoff performance.


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