As the United States still faces an uncertain future, it was confirmed Monday that the country reached out to former NFL head coach and current NBC commentator Tony Dungy a month ago to be its president. "The U.S. called Tony about three weeks ago to see if he would take over running the country," said Rodney Toobin, Dungy's chief of staff. "Understandably, all 300 million citizens were wildly impressed with his resume of helping develop the Cover-2, being the coach the year Peyton Manning won the Super Bowl and … you know, advising Michael Vick not to kill dogs anymore and stuff." President Barack Obama said that while he feels he is playing a role in righting the country, he would happily turn the job over to someone as great as Dungy. "I think he should have won the Nobel Peace Prize, too," said the president. "In fact, I think it should be called the Dungy Peace Prize. And it should be given to people who work in a field populated by complete assholes but who, by comparison, don't look quite as assholey and are then overly praised. It could be given to coaches or politicians."