Urban Meyer: "It turns out my family is incredibly annoying"

Less than 24 hours after announcing he would step away from football to focus on "faith and family", Florida Gators head coach Urban Meyer has decided he will only take a short leave and return to the program.
"After I made the decision, I went home to spend the evening with my wife and three kids," said Meyer. "And, wow — within 20 minutes I knew I had screwed up. Do you have any idea how annoying teenage girls are? Kill me. No, I do not want to take you to the mall. No, I do not want to watch 'Twilight' with you. Go away and please stop talking all the time."
Meyer's young son wasn't any better.
"Unbearable," said the coach. "Just non-stop with stupid jokes and wanting to watch crap TV shows. I don't know how my wife puts up with these people all day every day. I had no idea how good I had it spending 20 hours a day in the football office."
Meyer admitted that not spending any time with his family over the past 20 years — which is what initially caused him to step away from the program — ended up being a sort of Catch-22. "Had I spent a little more time with them in the first place, I would have known what they are like and I never would have made this stupid decision," he said. "In fact, I probably would have even gotten a part-time job on top of coaching Florida so I'd never have to be home."
The coach's children are happy their father won't be sticking around.
"We liked it better when he bought us expensive gifts to replace being an active presence in our lives," said oldest daughter Kaylie.
"Yeah," said Philip Meyer. "And we know he loves Tim Tebow more than us anyway."