TigerWoods.com: No One at TMZ Has Had Sex in a Year

The Tiger Woods' camp fired back at celebrity gossip website TMZ.com today, reporting that none of the company's employees have been laid in a year, and most for a much longer time than that.
"There is even a fair share of virgins at TMZ," says the report at TigerWoods.com titled "Tiger Woods comments on ongoing non-events." "Ninety-percent, that constitutes a fair share, don't you think?"
According to the report on the golfer's official website, there are two sources inside TMZ corroborating the story — a higher threshold than the site itself has for running a report.
"Yes, everything I am saying is true," said the source in the report. "I don't know why it would surprise anyone that I would sell out my own employer for some attention. I work at freaking TMZ. Having no ethics and being morally depraved are the top two job requirements. Tell Tiger that for 20 bucks I'll tell him about the harem of Thai boys my boss has."
TigerWoods.com apparently refused to pay the source, however, because no such report followed.
A spokesperson for TMZ did not deny the specific claims in the TigerWoods.com story: "Unfortunately, even though they wish they had, many of our employees have not committed any transgressions of a sexual nature — not counting repeatedly defiling themselves, often inside their own offices during working hours." The spokesman also requested "some privacy, simple human courtesy and decency during this difficult and embarrassing time. It sickens me that our culture has gotten to the point where our simple, gossip-reporters-next-door are no longer treated with deference and respect."