Oh, sure. Now Tiger Woods isn’t in the news enough. — by Your Racist Uncle

Most weeks I can't get away from hearing goddam news about goddam Tiger Woods.
He's won some golf tournament. Or he's close to winning a golf tournament. Or he's making news because he's not winning a golf tournament — YET THEY'RE STILL SHOWING ALL OF HIS MEANINGLESS, CRAP SHOTS!!!
Then there's all the goddam commercials this cablashit is on. I can't turn on the goddam TV without having him staring out at me, asking me to buy whatever crap he's pushing. I've even seen them ads on Glenn Beck. You can't get away from them anywhere. Well, sorry, Jobu — I'm not buying your junk. I don't know why an American car brand like GM ever got in bed with this guy. If you want a reason they lost money, start looking there. Maybe they should have had a real American golfer sell their cars, not someone who'd rather be driving a rice-burning golf cart through the ghetto pumping gangster rap by Hootie and the Blowfish or whatever. I'd buy a car from Fuzzy Zoeller. That man tells it straight.
And if it's not all this stuff, you get kamikazed by some puff piece about how he gives millions to charity. Big whooptifukaroo! He's worth a billion! Let's see him try to give millions working second shift! Oh, but he wouldn't do that. He's too good for that. Doing an honest, real day's work might mess of his precious goddam golf swing. He's a queer, is what he is.
But now this cablahomo has been banging every wholesome white girl he can trick into bed across the country, and where is the media now, huh? Nowhere. Nowhere to be found.
Yeah, they'll give it some coverage on the nightly news, and updates scroll across the bottom of my screen every so often when they hope you're not looking, but where's the constant, 24/7 coverage like they give him with the goddam golf?
When the blacks finally won a Masters with Tiger, it was Tiger, Tiger, Tiger everywhere you turned. Like anyone cared. I know I didn't care.
I just want some consistency. If you're going to go all out when this guy wins some stupid tournament, then I want news breaks every time they find out he mounted another cocktail waitress, too. People need to know this. So they know what he really is. So they know how to sniff out the next guy like this that comes along.
I mean, I knew it all along. I did. I knew Tiger Woods was scum. And I told everyone, too. But they didn't listen. They were like: "Oh, jeez. Here we go again. Shut up, you racist moron."
Well, I'm not a moron. Proved them wrong.