A study conducted by the NHL to determine the severity and impact of concussions in the sport has come back with one clear fact, commissioner Gary Bettman stated today: "NFL players are pussies. That much we know. At least they are compared to hockey players." After doing extensive interviews with NHL players who have sustained concussions, more than 98-percent stated that football players are "delicate little girls" or "gaping vaginas" and would never make it in the NHL. With the new concussion data in hand, Bettman says the NHL will take immediate measures. "We are working on a promotional campaign called: 'The NHL: Not for gaywads like football is.'"