Decade Rewind: The Top Stories on SportsPickle in 2009

SportsPickle relaunched on July 15. So if you're an athlete or team who did something mockable before then and you were hoping to see it listed here … apologies. Maybe next year! Keep being a dumbass! You never know what can happen!
(Below based on traffic numbers)

1. Derek Jeter Upstages A-Rod Grand Slam with 5-Run Home Run
2. Tom Brady Draws Emotionally Roughing the Quarterback Penalty
3. Extremely Violent Man Shocks Fans with His Lack of Social Graces
4. Jacksonville Jaguars to Wear Alternate Tim Tebow Jerseys
5. Defense Takes Cheerleaders' Advice to Push Opponent Back, Way Back
6. Depressed A.J. Burnett gorges himself on shaving cream pie
7.Jackie Still Thinks He's Gonna Be a Football Star
8. Urban Meyer: "It turns out my family is incredibly annoying"
9. Uncoordinated Child Tragically In Love with Sports
10. Tila Tequila Accuses Shawne Merriman of Murdering Her
11. 10 Tailgating Tips
12. You've Shot Yourself. Now What? — An Athlete's Guide
13. Pricks Beat Douchebags to Win World Series
14. Jets Win Their Super Bowl!!!
15. 14 Players Killed Wearing 1920s Throwback Uniforms
16. A-Rod Unable to Stop Fantasizing About Goldie Hawn
17. Everyone at High School Pep Rally Secretly Hoping Football Team Loses
18. 5 Tips for Fighting the Elderly — by Pedro Martinez
19. Drug Test More Rigorously Prepared for than History Test
20. Fat Kid Dreams of Throwing the Winning Block in the Super Bowl One Day
21. College Football Fan Gauges Girlfriend's Interest in a Plus-One System
22. 10 Tips for Playing Winning Drunk Golf — by Anthony Kim
23. 5 Tips for Properly Vandalizing an Athlete's Property
24. Friggin' Exchange Student Not Even Good at Soccer
25. Barry Sanders Makes Long-Awaited Return to the Detroit Lions