Who is Brian Kelly?

Brian Kelly is the head coach of the undefeated Cincinnati Bearcats, the No. 5 team in the country. He is rumored to be the frontrunner to replace Charlie Weis at Notre Dame. Who is this guy? Here are some facts about Brian Kelly.
Kelly's coaching career began at his alma mater, Assumption College in Worcester, Mass., as linebackers coach, defensive coordinator and women's softball coach from 1983-1986. Kelly coached many of the same players in overseeing linebackers and softball.
From 1991 to 2003, Kelly compiled a 118-35-2 record as head coach at Grand Valley State University. Grand Valley State University. That sounds made up. Like bad movie script made up. Let me guess — their big rival was "State." You know, if you're going to create a fictional employer, Kelly, a 118-35-2 record isn't actually all that good. I would have said I was 700-0 with 94 national championships. And that I was the repeat winner of the prestigious Coolest, Most Handsomest, Most Awesomest Coach Ever Award.
Kelly's 2002 Grand Valley State squad went 14-0 and won the national championship, while his 2001 team set an all-time Division II scoring record by averaging 58.4 points per game. In 2003 he won another national championship.There. Much better. That sounds way over-the-top. And that's fine. Notre Dame doesn't really "check" "resumes." (See: O'Leary, George.)
During the 2006 regular season, Kelly — then the head coach of Central Michigan — beat Western Michigan. He then accepted the head job at Cincinnati before the Bearcats' bowl game … and led them to a victory over Western Michigan in that game, too, becoming the first coach in NCAA history to beat the same team twice in one season while coaching two different teams. If you are interested in hiringKelly out to beat Western Michigan at parties, please contact the Cincinnati athletics office for rates and availability.
Kelly has a wife (Paqui) and three children (Patrick, Kenzel and Grace). If I was 70 years younger — and if she was not dead — I would so nail his daughter. Raawwwwrrrrrr. And not in the Bearcats raaaawwwwwrrrr way. In the Brian-Kelly's-daughter-Grace-Kelly-is-super-hot way.

According to Cincinnati's official biography, Kelly is successful because of a "philosophy of a defense that must play 60 minutes," "an imaginative offense," and "a strong special teams unit." Wait a minute … this guy espouses a strong defense, offense and special teams??? All three? Why … that's genius! You better snatch him up, Notre Dame!


Advertisement