Tim Tebow Suspended for Foreskin-Gouging

Florida Gators quarterback Tim Tebow saw his senior season take another negative turn today when he was suspended by Florida for a vicious foreskin gouge during Saturday's game against Georgia.
Tebow's dirty play came the possession after teammate Brandon Spikes eye-gouged Georgia running back Washaun Ealey. And while Ealey was not seriously injured on the play, the recipient of of Tebow's gouge, Bulldogs linebacker Jermichael Rogers, had his foreskin ripped right off the shaft of his penis in an explosion of blood and screams.
Tebow gouged Rogers' foreskin during a pileup in the second quarter for a loose ball. He said his training as a moyel while doing missionary work in Indonesia caused him to instinctually react towards Rogers' penile hood.An enraged Tebow, covered in blood, emerged from the pile with the ball. And also part of Rogers.The former Heisman winner will be suspended for the first half of this week's game against Vanderbilt, as will Spikes for his act.
An emotional Tebow immediately expressed remorse following the game.
"I accept responsibility for my actions and I accept the consequences of my actions," he said. "I would like to apologize to my team and the coaching staff and to Jermichael Rogers and his foreskin. Football is a very physical and emotional game, but there is no excuse for my actions. Although I am sure he will find his penis to be far more hygienic now without all that soap and lint and semen and sweat and bacteria getting trapped in there. At least it will be more hygienic once all the scabs come off."
Tebow's pledge is being placed on a plaque which will be mounted outside the entrance to the University of Florida's Department of Science and Anatomy building.