Several reports today state that marketing superstars Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Danica Patrick are about to team up together under Earnhardt's JR Motorsports to sell collective cups, clocks, t-shirts, figurines, die-cast cars and other crap to a moronic fan base. "Sport has never seen a duo like this before," said USA Today sports business writer Mike McCarthy. "The only comparison is when Nike had Michael Jordan and Bo Jackson in their prime, only those guys were focused more on performance than marketing themselves." Once the deal is complete, Patrick will begin racing under under the JR Motorsports flag this spring. "Danica and Dale, Jr. are excited to be on the track together," said a source close to the negotiations. "And they actually plan to compete in most races on the schedule that do not conflict with a commercial shoot, talk show appearance, signing, or boat show ribbon cutting."