1. Super Bowl XLIII.5 — Patriots-Colts was entertaining. But I wasn't impressed by the stuff outside of the game. The Super Bowl ads, for example. In fact, I don't think I saw a single new commercial. Guess it's the economy. But even though it's old, I do always get a good laugh at the "Unstoppable … Eli Manning is" commercial for Citizen. Hilarious. Maybe the funniest Super Bowl ad ever. In addition to the ads, the halftime show sucked, too. Olbermann & Patrick? Ugh. Such a lame group. I think they have an even older target audience than the Rolling Stones and Bruce Springsteen.
2. Bud Adams — The 86-year-old owner of the Titans decided it would be fun to give the finger to the Bills over and over after Tennessee won 41-17 on Sunday. I hope when I'm 86 I still have enough spunk to give the Bills the finger. But I fear I'll only have the energy to give good teams the finger.
3. Joey Porter — Tony Sparano made him inactive for Sunday's game. That means Porter had all Sunday to work on his abs instead of playing stupid football. Can you imagine how intimidating his abs will be this Sunday during his pre-game preening? Miami's opponent will be super intimidated. Maybe Sparano is the true coaching genius in the AFC East.
4. Jack Del Rio— The Jaguars beat the Jets on the road to stay in the wild card picture. And according to CBS announcers, Del Rio and Jets head coach Rex Ryan used to workout together when they were on the Ravens' staff. I suppose Del Rio took the role of the guy working out, and Ryan was the weight being lifted. Smart move by Del Rio. Because if you take the other role, you end up looking like an out-of-shape fatass like Rex Ryan.
5. veterans — The NFL honored veterans across the league with pre-game ceremonies. And then, to top it off, Kellen Winslow, Jr. went for 102 yards on seven catches.
1. Bill Belichick — I haven't seen coaching that bad since … since … I'm going to go with since that piece of crap the Browns had in the early '90s. You know, in the past, many have used the phrase "cheaters never win" when it comes to Belichick. But I think we now have to update that to "cheaters never win; also: morons never win."
2. this NBC cameraman
And I mean because the poor guy has to do close-ups of Andrea Kremer for a living. But also because he got shoved to the ground.
3. Bengals Nation — I was at Heinz Field on Sunday for the Steelers-Bengals game. There were maybe — maybe — 150 people in the whole stadium wearing Bengals gear. Bengals Nation is the Luxembourg of sports fan nations. If Luxembourg had uglier colors. And was a little smaller.
4. Mrs. Roger Goodell — The NFL commissioner attended yesterday Bills-Titans game in Tennessee. Why? I have no idea. Maybe he had a hankering for contraction. But during the game, Goodell — or @nflcommish on Twitter — tweeted that he was at the game. So a Titans fan — a female Titans fan named Lisa Hayes (@lisahayes4) — invited Goodell to sit with her via Twitter. He accepted. And it seems they hit it off quite well. I wonder how Goodell's wife, Jane Skinner of Fox News, feels about her husband accepting a proposition via Twitter from a woman.
Oh, Roger's stimulus plan passed, Jane. I reported it. Now you decide how to deal with it.
Maybe it's time to woo Roger back with some more dirty talk.
5. Bill Belichick — He deserves more than one mention here. He was that bad. And you might think: "Sure. Take the easy way out. How uncreative. List the same guy twice." Maybe you're right. This isn't creative. It's not risky. You could say I even punted here. But that makes me smarter than supposed super genius Bill Belichick.