MLB to Complete Long-Awaited 1994 Season

Major League Baseball delighted its hardcore fans today with the announcement that it will complete the 1994 season, giving fans closure to a very exciting season that was full of turmoil and drama.

“This is so awesome,” said Expos fan Marc Beaugard, camping outside the now-vacant Olympic Stadium for tickets. “This is like if the Beatles got back together and recorded Chinese Democracy. Or something. I don’t know. It’s a long time coming.”

Commissioner Bud Selig said he hopes this gives fans what they have always wanted, makes amends for the cancellation of the end of the 1994 season to due labor strife, and keeps baseball in the headlines during the long off-season. The schedule will pick up on Monday with the games scheduled for August 12, 1994 and will play the post-season through to its completion. Division leaders remain the Yankees, White Sox, Rangers, Dodgers, Reds and Expos — sporting a gaudy 74-40 mark.

“We have a big lead, but this is all going to come down to what team has the most depth and youth,” said Expos manager Felipe Alou. “Many of the guys in the league haven’t played in 10 years or more. There will be a lot of injuries, a lot of adjustment.”

“Oh, no. This is not good,” said Expos ace Ken Hill. “I haven’t thrown a baseball in eight years. And I don’t even know what I weigh now — 290? 325? I might be able to go one batter to start. Pedro [Martinez] is going to have to handle the bulk of the innings. I hope to be able to go an inning or two by the playoffs.”

Giants third baseman Matt Wiliams, who retired as a member of the Diamondbacks after the 2003 season, says he is excited to renew his assault on the single-season home run record.

“I’m on 43 and I have almost two months left in the season,” he said. “I’m a little rusty, but I’m sure the pitchers won’t be on their A-games either. Just wondering, if we’re replaying 1994 … umm … are, uh, steroids still … you know, encouraged?”

And while many fans are ecstatic about the completion of the long-awaited season, others say they are worried it will ruin their memories.

“This just feels like a cash grab,” said Reds fan Greg Miller. “Like one of those awful Gilligan’s Island reunion movies or some old band going on tour. But I’ll watch still. I heard they’re doing the entire completion of the season in 1080p HD! That’s awesome.”