Israelis and Palestinians turn to Tony Dungy

After years of conflict between them, Israelis and Palestinians finally believe they have found something that can bring them together: former Indianapolis Colts head coach, current NBC "Football Night in America" analyst and oracle of humanity Tony Dungy. "Not only did he find Michael Vick a job as a backup, situational quarterback," said Palestinian prime minister Mahmoud Abbas, "but he won a Super Bowl with a very talented team. Is there nothing this man can't do?" Israeli prime minister Ehud Olmert expects Dungy to bring about a resolution in 24 hours. "He basically invented the Cover-2 and he's very polite," said Olmert. "Why should he not continue to be the world's top advisor on all issues, great and small. I mean, the Cover-2! It's very hard to beat that defense deep!"