Behind the scenes with Michael Jordan on the Stephen Jackson trade

Scene: A golf course. Michael Jordan's cell phone rings. Jordan finishes his putt, snuffs out his cigar and picks up the phone.

Jordan: Gimme 70 grand on the Islanders.
Voice: What?
Jordan: The Islanders. Seventy grand. No, make it $150,000. I'm going to win 80 grand in this golf match if I eagle the last hole. I can double up my winnings.
Voice: Mr. Jordan, this isn't your bookie. This is Kevin.
Jordan: Kevin …
Voice: Your assistant.
Jordan: My assistant …
Kevin: For the Charlotte Bobcats.
Jordan: Charlotte Bobcats …
Kevin:The NBA team that employs you as team president.
Jordan: You're calling me about that?! I'm playing golf. I told you people never to call unless there's some sort of delay in direct deposit.
Kevin: I know, sir. But as team president, you have to sign off on all trades and we have been offered a trade.
Jordan: We have? If it's for Adam Morrison, say no. That guy is untouchable. He's a superstar.
Kevin: No, it's not for Morrison. And, actually, Morrison hasn't been on-
Jordan: Hold up, guy. I have to hit my drive.
(F—k! In the woods again! Dammit.)
Okay, I'm back. F—king slice is killing me. Look, whatever this trade is, get me some new clubs in it.
Kevin: Good one, sir.
Jordan: You think I'm kidding? I probably lost 80 grand on that shot. You think that's funny?
Kevin: No, sir. Okay, sir, back to the trade. Golden State has offered us Stephen Jackson and Acie Law for Raja Bell and Vladimir Radmanovic.
Jordan: That sounds fair to me. I've never heard of any of those guys.
Kevin: Umm … really?
Jordan: No, I was kidding. I've heard of one of them.
Kevin: Oh, okay. Which one?
Jordan: I can't say right now.
Kevin: I see. Well, sir, should I say you are good with the trade?
Jordan: Yes. And guy?
Kevin: Yes?
Jordan: I'm going to need you to lend me 80 grand. I didn't expect to lose today.
Kevin: I don't have that kind of money, sir.
Jordan: Well then I'm going to need you to get some cash in this deal, too.
Kevin: Yes, sir.
Jordan: And let's just make that standard operating procedure, okay? I have some cash flow issues after the divorce. In fact, are there any other players you can trade for me this week? I was thinking of going to Vegas this weekend.
Kevin: Unlikely, sir. We don't really have any players other teams would want.
Jordan: You're f—king me here. You guys need to hire someone who knows what they're doing to draft good players.
Kevin: Yes, sir. That's a good idea.
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