Owen Schmitt, Seattle Seahawks:
1. He wanted to remind the Jaguars that he's a human being, a real man — a gentle soul who bleeds real blood. So, please, take it easy on him out there.
2. He's taunting the rest of America by showing us the NFL's health care program is so awesome you can even purposely injure yourself and not worry.
3. Damn mosquitos! They're everywhere! DIE! DIE! DIE!
4. It just seemed like the kind of thing a fullback from West Virginia with a mohawk named Owen Schmitt should do.
5. All the SNL-inspired Schmitt's Gay jokes get tiresome after 18 years.
6. He's trying to erase the memory of these jerseys.