Throwback Game Features Futuristic Prices

The Denver Broncos sported throwback jerseys from their inaugural season in 1960. Their opponent, the New England Patriots, also wore old uniforms from their AFL days. Even the officials and team media personnel were in period garb. Yet the cost of things at Invesco Field did not hearken back to the old days. In fact, they seemed to come from some futuristic, hopeless world in which hyper-inflation had spiraled out of control.
"I paid $9.25 for one beer," said Broncos fan Jack Whitelock. "My dad says you could get season tickets for the upper deck for that much back in 1960."
"Worst attempt at recreating history I have ever seen," said Broncos fan Roger Wiltmore. "Colonial Williamsburg kicks this game's ass. I don't recall Jay-Z being played during timeouts in 1960. Nor do I recall there being nachos in 1960. Nor do I recall paying $6.75 for said nachos. My granddaughter in third grade did a diorama of the signing of the Declaration of Independence that was more accurate than what I just saw."
While fans were disappointed at having to pay $62.50 for tickets to see a single game, in addition to $10 for parking — "My entire monthly car payment was $10 back in 1960," said one enraged fan — the players were also upset about their role in the festivities.
"This has to be the No. 1 priority in our next collective bargaining agreement," said wide receiver Brandon Marshall. "No more making us dress up like clowns so the NFL can make money off of it. We have to take pride in ourselves as a union. We have to take pride in ourselves as humans. We have to maintain our dignity."
Broncos linebacker Elvis Dumervil says that if the league is going to have throwback games, they should go all in.
"Let's play with the old-time rules, too," says Dumervil. "You should have seen how the refs were protecting Tom Brady like he's some delicate little flower. Nah. Let me punch him in the throat five seconds after he throws a pass. That's how they used to do it back in the day."
But NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says the throwback days are not created to make money on additional jersey revenue. He says they are designed to honor NFL players of the past and keep their memory alive.
"Bull crap," said 1960 Broncos lineman Eddie Holcutt. "I couldn't afford a ticket to get into the stadium. And then some guy outside was charging $125 for my own throwback jersey. My own jersey! If Goodell was commissioner back in 1960, more than his hair would be red. We'd make sure his whole face was covered in blood."