Players’ Coach Just a Few Weeks Away from Being Players’ Friend

Dallas Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips has long been regarded as a coach who gets along well with his players.
“I’m a players’ coach,” he said. “I take that as a compliment. I like my players and they like me. That’s why I’m excited to take our relationship to a whole new level when I am no longer their coach after the season following my inevitable firing.”
Cowboys players say they are excited to become real friends with Phillips.
“We all like him, but he’s still our boss. He’s still in charge of us, you know?” said linebacker DeMarcus Ware. “You can’t be real friends in such a relationship. But when Jerry Jones fires him after our last game, I think I’ll invite him over for a barbecue or something.”
Former Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens says Phillips always had the exact demeanor he looks for in a true friend.
“He let me say and do whatever I wanted,” said Owens. “If I complained I wasn't getting the ball enough, he made sure I got the ball, even at the expense of the team. He has absolutely no backbone. That’s the kind of friend who will do anything – go to a club, watch a movie – even if it’s a club they don’t want to go to, or a movie they have already seen and hate. That’s the kind of friend I need and want. I'm glad he'll soon be jobless and able to hang out with me.”
Despite assumptions to the contrary, Phillips’ “players’ coach” persona will not factor into his dismissal.
“I knew he was a players’ coach when I hired him,” said team owner Jerry Jones. “That's not a problem. The problem is that he's not an owner’s coach -– meaning he sucks at the job he was hired by the owner to do, which was to win games. But, sure, if that fat, useless turd wants to be pals after this season is over, I’m fine with it. We can go to lunch or something. He can name the place. I just want him anywhere but on the sidelines. I'll take him to the best buffet in Texas.”