Handicapper: NFL Week 8

1:00 p.m. ET
Houston at Buffalo (+3)
Steve Slaton needs to stop fumbling if the Texans are going to have a shot at the playoffs. And if he fumbles in this game, expect Terrell Owens to run off the sidelines and pick it up. He has very few chances to touch the ball.
My pick: Houston
Cleveland at Chicago (-13)
Angry Browns fans are organizing a protest. Waste of time. What they should do is organize a football team. And then beat the Browns.
My pick: Cleveland
Seattle at Dallas (-9.5)
If the Seahawks are going to have a chance in this game, they must stop Miles Austin. I can't believe I just wrote that.
My pick: Dallas
St. Louis at Detroit (-4)
The Rams have lost 17 in a row. The Lions have lost 22 of 23. And people say there isn't parity in the NFL anymore. Ridiculous. These teams suck pretty much equally.
My pick: Detroit
San Francisco at Indianapolis (-12.5)
Alex Smith got the nod at quarterback for the 49ers in the second half last week. And he responded by throwing three touchdowns to Vernon Davis. Smith-to-Davis … just as the 49ers drew it up. In 2006. Now if only the 49ers can be a bit more patient with J.J. Stokes, they should have a potent offense.
My pick: Indianapolis
Miami at New York Jets (-3)
Wildcat? Pfffft. Mark Sanchez eats wildcats for lunch. No, really. Many hot dogs include waste meats from wild game.
My pick: Miami (and to win)
New York Giants at Philadelphia (+1)
Giants-Eagles at 1:00 p.m. Yankees-Phillies across the parking lot at 8:20. I hope the Guinness people are ready. I think we're going to have a record for most insufferable fans in one location.
My pick: Philadelphia (and to win)
Denver at Baltimore (-3)
If Baltimore loses again here, their season is pretty much over. So I'm picking the Ravens because their backs are against the wall. You see, for the past three games their chests have been against the wall, and they've been slightly bent over and the other teams have been … well, this is a family site.
My pick: Baltimore
4:05 p.m. ET
Jacksonville at Tennessee (-3)
Vince Young is now starting in hopes of reviving the Titans. Good luck with that. Reviving the Titans would be as easy as reviving this guy:

My pick: Jacksonville (and to win)
Oakland at San Diego (-16.5)
As I said last week, Norv Turner is getting overlooked nationally because of some of the truly awful teams in the NFL. But this guy should not be a head coach. He has proven that over and over and over. I do think, however, he has a future in the front office. He reminds me of a young Al Davis. Especially in the face.
My pick: Oakland
4:15 p.m. ET
Carolina at Arizona (-10)
Just so you know, the line is also 10 in this game for how many times Jake Delhomme grabs the top of his helmet with both hands, closes his eyes and shakes his head, and then walks off the field with his head down and shoulders slumped. I'm going over. Way over. Kind of like a Delhomme pass over one of his receivers and into the waiting arms of a defensive back. ZORN!
My pick: Arizona
Minnesota at Green Bay (-3)
I realize it's Wisconsin, but do NOT eat the cheese dip at this game if you go. First of all, it's not cheese. Second, it was made by hand by the media. Yeah. Gross.
My pick: Minnesota (and to win)
Monday night
Atlanta at New Orleans (-10.5)
As impressive as the Saints comeback win was last week, I worry they will become lazy now at the start of games. Teams tend to do that. Once they see what they're capable of, they coast out of the gate and then just wait to "turn it on." The Falcons, for example. They had a nice comeback win in 1974 and now they're just cruising along like they can flip the switch back on at any moment. I'm starting to question whether they can.
My pick: New Orleans

Last week vs. spread: 7-5-1
Last week just winners: 8-5
- – – – -
Season vs. spread: 56-45-1
Season just winners: 73-29
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***Lukewarm Locks last week: 3-0
***Lukewarm Locks season: 9-7


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