Handicapper: NFL Week 6

1:00 p.m. ET
Detroit at Green Bay (-13.5)
Aaron Rodgers refuses to pin the blame on his offensive line for his continued sackings. Typical battered wife syndrome.
My pick: Green Bay
New York Giants at New Orleans (-3)
Jeremy Shockey is the Saints' tight end, but Sean Payton should really consider playing him on defense this week. Eli Manning never performed too well when Shockey was on the field with him telling him he sucks.
My pick: New Orleans
Cleveland at Pittsburgh (-14)
Brady Quinn has put his house up for sale. Big deal. It was his doll house. He's growing up. Relax, Cleveland.
My pick: Pittsburgh
Houston at Cincinnati (-5)
I haven't been paying attention — has Chad Ocho Cinco engaged in any trash talk with Texans defensive backs this week via Twitter? Are any of the Texans defensive backs on Twitter? Do the Texans have defensive backs?
My pick: Houston
Kansas City at Washington (-6.5)
Considering the current state of the Chiefs and Redskins, this game is a solemn reminder that the majority of our nation's Native American population was wiped out by disease and genocide. ZORN!
My pick: Washington
Carolina at Tampa Bay (+3)
A win here would push the Panthers to 2-3, a mark they hope will get them back on track to achieving some of their goals for the season. Wait, their goal wasn't to get the No. 1 overall draft pick in April's draft? Then why were the starting Jake Delhomme? Confusing.
My pick: Carolina
St. Louis at Jacksonville (-9.5)
Jacksonville receiver Mike Sims-Walker was suspended for last week's game for violating team rules. Reportedly he missed curfew Friday night because he was out with a woman. And the Jaguars suspended him for that. Amazing. They should be happy there's a woman all the way across the country in Seattle who has A) heard of the Jaguars; and B) wants to sleep with one. I don't even think they have women like that in Jacksonville.
My pick: Jacksonville
Baltimore at Minnesota (-2.5)
Brett Favre said this week that he admires Ray Lewis more than anyone else in the NFL. Sounds like the gunslinger wishes he was a knifeslinger.
My pick: Minnesota
4:05 p.m. ET
Arizona at Seattle (-3)
Arizona will have to deal with Seattle's 12th Man on Sunday. I don't think they'll have a problem. God considers Kurt Warner his 13th Disciple.
My pick: Arizona (and to win)
Philadelphia at Oakland (+14)
Rush Limbaugh lost out on his bid to buy an NFL team this week, in part due to his comments a few years ago on Donovan McNabb. But like Limbaugh or hate him, you have to admit that he was right. I mean, who else is tired of hearing all of these fawning stories about JaMarcus Russell? Am i the only one who has noticed he's just not that good? Stop being so racist, media!
My pick: Philadelphia
4:15 p.m. ET
Buffalo at New York Jets (-9.5)
Rex Ryan is losing the genius tag in New York even quicker than Eric Mangini did. I hope he least got a cameo on an HBO show. Does "Entourage" maybe have room for more annoying people?
My pick: New York Jets
Tennessee at New England (-9)
This game is evidence that judging schedule strength before the season starts is stupid. I mean, think about it, six weeks ago, people actually thought the Patriots were going to be really good. Idiots.
My pick: New England
8:20 p.m. ET
Chicago at Atlanta (-3)
Falcons owner Arthur Blank says he wants a new stadium already. I guess it would be The House That Matt Ryan Built. Expect the stadium to look like the inside of a Pottery Barn catalog.
My pick: Atlanta
Monday night
Denver at San Diego (-3)
I thought Josh McDaniels wouldn't be able to keep up the enthusiasm he showed during the Patriots game. But then I remembered that this week he'll be able to visit the San Diego Zoo and Sea World. Little kids love that crap.
My pick: Denver (and to win)

Last week vs. spread: 7-6
Last week just winners: 9-4
- – – – -
Season vs. spread: 41-34
Season just winners: 54-21
- – – – -
***Lukewarm Locks last week: 2-1
***Lukewarm Locks season: 6-7


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