Depressed A.J. Burnett gorges himself on shaving cream pie

Yankees starter A.J. Burnett stuffed his face full of shaving cream pie last night after blowing a two-run lead in Game 5 of the ALCS with a trip to the World Series on the line. "I'm such a loser," said the pitcher. "No one likes me. I just want to get fat and be by myself. Just me and my cats eating shaving cream pie whenever we want to. I hate myself." Following his self-pity session, Burnett vomited up the three pies that he had eaten. "Apparently shaving cream is not really edible," he said.