Tom Brady Insists He Feels No Pain In His New Prosthetic Arm

Despite reports that he sustained a shoulder injury when Albert Haynesworth fell on him, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady insisted today that he has absolutely no pain in his throwing arm.
"Look at my arm. It looks perfect, doesn't it? Almost without flaw," said Brady, pointing to what looked awfully similar to a prosthetic arm connected to his right shoulder. "I have no pain at all. I don't even have nerves. I'm good to go for Week 1."
But Brady refused to say whether he had been outfitted with a prosthetic limb.
"Oh, come on. You know that's not how we work," said the quarterback, laughing. "All those kinds of questions have to go through coach. I'm sure he'll list something on the injury report."
Bill Belichick also denied his star player suffered such a severe injury that his arm had to be amputated.
"He got a little banged up. It's football," said Belichick. "These things happen. I don't know what everyone is freaking out about."
He then chafed at suggestions Brady would take the field with a prosthesis.
"Even if he did, are you saying that would make him somehow less than ideal? Less than perfect?" he said. "I'd like to hear you share that opinion with some of our wounded military men and women."
Even with the insistence that Brady is 100-percent, the Patriots have reportedly been looking to improve their backup options behind him, reaching out to Jeff George and working with MIT scientists to create a football-throwing robot.
And Brady's health is further complicated after he accidentally let his right arm sit on the grill at the team's dining facility today, melting the right hand off.
"What? I meant to do that," he said. "I like the smell of burning flesh when I eat. Burning human flesh. Even though mine sort of smells like plastic."