The Best Thing About October Is That You Cannot Script It! — By Tim McCarver

Hey there, baseball fans!It’s just about October, and if you’re like me, you are EXCITED.That means the World Series is going to be played soon.There are other months, like May, in which the World Series is NOT played.And so I look forward to October, because that is when the World Series is played.They did play the Series once back in 1803, when then-commissioner Earl “Shorty” Robinson moved the Series to January due to the Spanish-American War.But, in general, October is when the World Series is usually played.
And I know it’s our slogan at FOX, but I think it is appropriate to say again that you cannot script October!Other months, like September, have been scripted and shot into feature length films.Woody Allen, who is a famous director of movies, lives in New York City, made a film called “September” that was scripted.But that has yet to occur with October.
Anyway, the reason they say that you cannot script October is because all of the baseball games are played live.They are not scripted in advance.Back in 1245, White Stockings manager Timmy “The Tim” Raymond attempted to script his player’s at bats.But he soon realized that he could NOT control which pitches the opposing team’s pitcher chose to pitch.And so even THAT October was unscripted.How about that?
I’m really looking forward to this year’s playoffs because I want to see if the New York Yankees will come out as the best team in baseball.Many times, the team with the best record in baseball does NOT win the World Series, and therefore cannot be called the best team.You can have the second best record in baseball, and STILL win the World Series.That is the sort of thing you find out when the game is played in October.
Also, the Philadelphia Phillies will be in the playoffs this year.The Phillies, as you know, won the World Series LAST year.But that does not necessarily mean they will win the World Series THIS year.That is because these games are NEW, and have yet to be played.Ryan Howard is what we call a slugger.Because he hits the ball with the same kind of force a BOXER might use while slugging someone.Babe Ruth, also a slugger.
Ooh, a glass of water!What’s interesting about water is that it can be used for both drinking AND bathing.Many baseball players drink water during the game.Others do not.That’s known as a superstition, which is when someone employs a technique and/or talisman to ward off bad luck.Ha ha, maybe Ryan Howard drinks water so that the Phillies WILL repeat.But that is NOT what the Dutch call a fait accompli, because October cannot be scripted.
Until it’s over, and then it can probably be made into some sort of TRANSscript.
You know, friends, I once had sex with a TRANSvestite. It was after a few drinks during a layover at the Milwaukee airport. 1993, I think. He was a pretty lady. Good people in Milwaukee. He/she reminded me of Catfish Hunter in a way. This sexual encounter with a transvestite was also not scripted. Because it just so happened to occur in October. And because I had never been with a transvestite and didn't quite know how to manipulate a penis other than my own. But it was fun.
Just like October.
Which is unscripted.
As am I. Andyou.Especially if you are alive in the month of October, a month I consider to be the most unscripted of months.