Lions fan still unemployed despite Lions victory

Some 24 hours after the Detroit Lions won their first game in nearly two years, Lions fan and Detroit resident Jason Stepanko woke up in the middle of the afternoon still feeling pretty unemployed. "The win cheered me up for about five minutes," said Stepanko. "Then I realized how pathetic it was that my life is so much in the toilet right now that a bunch of guys who I've never met beating a bunch of other guys who I've never met at a sport I've never played was the highlight of the past few months of my life. That just made me more depressed." Stepanko says he then used the bulk of his latest unemployment check to get drunk, causing him to pass out and oversleep, missing a job interview this morning — the first interview he's had in three weeks. "If they had lost like normal, this never would have happened," he said. "The Lions always manage to screw me somehow."