Bruce Pearl’s rejected jokes

Tennessee head men's basketball coach Bruce Pearl has some egg on his stupid face after telling an unfortunate joke about his home state at a charity event last week.
Said Pearl: "I've got a tough job. I've got to put these guys from different worlds together, right? I've got guys from Chicago, Detroit … I'm talking about the 'hood! And I've got guys from Grainger County, where they wear the hood.''
Wait? That's it? We're not allowed to say anymore that rural parts of Tennessee can be a bit racist-y? Okay. Whatever.
But that line wasn't even the worst one Pearl had originally considered using in his speech.
Take a look at these:
"You know, Tennessee is a beautiful state. Before I moved here I didn't know you had so many mountains. Now it's my goal to mount Pat Summitt." — Bruce Pearl
"No, I'm kidding. I really want to f—k Lane Kiffin's wife. That's not a joke. I'd like to check under that hood, if you know what I mean." — Bruce Pearl
"Does Lane Kiffin seem retarded to anyone else? Ah, why am I asking you people? You're all inbred retards. That's even worse. Your retard minds probably think Lane Kiffin is a genius." — Bruce Pearl
"Have you weirdos ever actually read the lyrics to Rocky Top? 'Once there was a girl onrockytop /Half bear the other half cat /Wild as a mink, sweet as soda pop /I still dream about that.' What the f—k does that mean? You people sleep with wildcats and sheep?" — Bruce Pearl
"I love speaking at charity events. I've got a semi right now. What? This is a children's charity? Too late. I'm fully engorged." — Bruce Pearl
"Did you know that Pat Summitt's given name was Pat Head? Really. Sometimes jokes just write themselves." — Bruce Pearl