The New England Patriots promised today that they will never wear throwback uniforms again honoring the 1926 Boston Bulldogs after 14 players were killed, and more than 20 more were injured, during the team’s game on Monday.
“We will always honor and remember the proud history of football in New England,” said Patriots owner Robert Kraft, “but perhaps not wearing helmets and putting our players in minimal, antiquated pads was not the best way to do that. Still, they looked cool out there. At least before the carnage began.”
Two Patriots suffered fatal head trauma and one was decapitated on the opening kickoff, a bloody eight seconds that foreshadowed the remainder of the game.
“I wish the team would have at least worn leather helmets back then,” said Patriots head trainer Michael Fox. “That would have given me a sort of bucket to scoop up the brain chunks. But, no, I had to get down on my hands and knees and crawl around on the field looking for everything – lobes, gray matter, eyes. It was no fun.”
Packers linebacker Jerod Mayo escaped death, but was forced out of the game in the third quarter after suffering a broken pelvis and two dislocated shoulders.
“I don’t know if players were tougher back then or if they were wimps who played a pussified form of football that didn’t require helmets and pads,” he said. “I think it’s the latter and that today’s players are just faster and stronger. But I don’t want to think about it anymore because it hurts to think due to the four concussions I suffered.”
With 12 players dead at halftime, head coach Bill Belichick fired up the team with a speech urging them to use the memories of their fallen teammates as motivation for the second half.He also urged them to use their fallen teammates as protection.
“I used chunks of one guy’s skull – I’m not sure who’s, he wasn’t identifiable – to fashion myself a chest plate,” said wide receiver Randy Moss. "I'm used to gutting fish, so it was nothing to me. And then I made crude shoulder pads out of forearms bones and chunks of hair and skin. Needless to say, I didn’t get hurt at all in the second half. In fact, I might go with the bone, hair and skin shoulder pads again this week.”
Belichick said the game was hard to watch.
"I struggled. I did," he said. "It was hard to stand there and not laugh out loud. That was the most fun I've ever had coaching. Did you see the blood spurt out of that rookie's ear on the punt return? So awesome."