127 of 128 Div. I-A Football Teams Set to Feast on Cupcake Schedules

The 2009 college football season opens with a full slate of games this weekend and with it, all 127 of the Division I-A programs other than your favorite team embark on a pathetically easy cupcake schedule.
“Florida is ranked No. 1 to start the season, but look who they are opening with,” said Chad Gaynor, a fellow alum of your school. “It’s a joke. Charleston Southern? Please. The supposed best team in the country shouldn’t be allowed to feast on cupcakes like that. And then they have Troy followed by a whole bunch of teams from the SEC –- which is as overrated a conference as it gets.”
No. 2 Texas doesn’t have it any tougher, says Jeff Miller, who sits near you at games.
“Louisiana Monroe? Wyoming? Was the Texas Girls School for the Blind not available or what?” he said. If they want to win that way, fine – but we would never dare have a schedule that disgraceful. And I won’t even bother mentioning how lame the Big 12 has become. They play no defense in that conference anymore. It shouldn’t even be a BCS conference anymore. Texas won't even get much of a game from Texas Tech this year.”
And while No. 5 Alabama opens with No. 7 Virginia Tech,neither team gets to pretend its schedule is anything but easy.
“Alabama-Virginia Tech is nothing more than a case of them protesting too much,” said longtime tailgating neighbor Jon Gonzalez. “They both know how lame their schedules are so they ran out and scheduled each other to try to cover it up. To try to divert attention. I mean, when the toughest game on your schedule is Alabama or Virginia Tech, you’re not even trying. And, sure –- schedule it for September when you have plenty of time to overcome a loss by beating all the rest of the cupcakes on your schedule. It's pathetic.”
But at least one program has the guts to play a challenging schedule.
“We may not win the national championship this year,” you say. “But that’s because we challenge ourselves each and every week. We have pride. We have honor. We open with two I-AA teams – and I don’t have to tell you how dangerous that is in light of Appalachian State a couple years ago, am I right? Then it’s a week off before we host a team from the ever-dangerous MAC. Then a service academy –- on the road! Those kids play hard. And then our games in-conference –- and anyone with a brain knows our conference is way tougher than it gets credit for.”