College football may have opened play last night, but the first Saturday of action is still a day away and SportsPickle is counting down the top stories of 2009. Today: No. 1, Tim Tebow.
For all of you playing the SportsPickle college football storyline countdown at home … yeah, not a big surprise, eh? No. 1 is Tim Tebow.
No way around that.
But what have we learned about Tim Tebow the last few months? It's disturbing.
Revelation #1: Tim Tebow has terrible vision.
Yes, he appeared at the ESPY Awards in glasses. And then a few weeks later, it was confirmed: they weren't for fashion. No, Tim Tebow has crap eyes.
Revelation #2: Tim Tebow hasn't had sex.
Not a flaw. Just a fact. One he confirmed at SEC media day.
Revelation #3: Tim Tebow has a bad back.
Tebow missed practice time this summer with a nagging back injury. Back "tightness."
What does all this mean?
Well, let's recap. Tim Tebow needs glasses 'cause his eyes are shot. He hasn't had sex in 22 years. And his back keeps acting up.
This person we have put all of our hopes and dreams in … this god-like being who was to save the world … right all wrongs … bring peace in our time … is really no different than … YOUR GRANDFATHER!