Peter Holtz (Clairton, NY > Triathlon)

CLAIRTON, NY > Triathlon
Holtz, 44, competed in the Hudson River Triathlon this weekend — his first-ever triathlon — and finished third-to-last. However, the completion of the grueling physical test allowed him to work through some inner demons about his father never loving him or some crap like that. Having to do a triathlon to feel like you are loved is a bit sadistic, yes, but this guy is also going through a midlife crisis. While he is still balding and is still increasingly impotent (something that wasn't helped by all the bike training), he knows he is at least capable of completing a triathlon. So that's a feather in his sad, pathetic cap.