NBA to Asterisk All of Rashard Lewis’ Home Runs

Orlando Magic forward Rashard Lewis tested positive for an elevated testosterone level. Now the NBA has brought the hammer down, announcing the athletic, three-point marksmen will have all of his home runs cleared from the NBA record book.
"The public must know that the NBA takes this very seriously," said commissioner David Stern. "We will not have our record book or the proud history of this game be sullied by those who break the rules. If only baseball had been as proactive and forthright from the start."
Lewis, who played an integral role in helping the Magic upset Lebron James' Cleveland Cavaliers last year in the Eastern Conference Finals, tested positive late last season and then again during the Finals.
"Thankfully, the outcome of the season is in no way tainted," said Stern, "because Rashard didn't hit any home runs during the playoffs. I'll admit that we dodged a bullet there."
Stern stressed that fans can rest assured that the NBA and the outcomes of its games have never been in any way compromised.
"We have internal security mechanisms in place that are the best in professional sports," said Stern. "That's why we have only had one rogue ref and one PED user. Ever. End of story. So, anyway, did you guys hear what Jose Canseco said the other day about a baseball Hall of Famer being on steroids? Wow. Baseball has some problems."
Lewis hopes fans can forgive him.
"Luckily I play in the NBA so I'll probably never hear anything about this," he said. "But I'm not going to attend any major league baseball games for a while. I don't want to get booed."