Renowned sports orthopaedic surgeon Dr. James Andrews passed away today while conducting a botched – and quite painful – surgery on the injured shoulder of Dr. James Andrews.
“Unfortunately Dr. Andrews was the only one who could perform these delicate procedures,” said longtime apprentice Dr. Michael McGee. “I learned all I could these past 22 years, but I never could quite get the hang of it.”
Dr. Andrews tore his rotator cuff playing badminton at a family reunion this weekend and, upon an MRI revealing the tear, chose to go under the knife after consulting with himself.
The surgeon attempted the surgery at his Birmingham, Alabama, practice, bypassing anesthesia to keep a steady hand and using a mirror to be able to see the back of his shoulder.
“Dr. Andrews is exquisitely skilled,” said Dr. McGee. “And things were going well – he was biting down on a stick to deal with the pain – but then I dropped the mirror and things went bad.”
Suddenly unable to see the back of his shoulder, Dr. Andrews nicked an artery, began to bleed heavily and then passed out.
“I didn’t know what to do,” said Dr. McGee. “I’ve spent all this time trying to learn how to do all of these fancy surgeries and everything, that I totally forgot basic first aid.”
In a panic and not thinking clearly, Dr. McGee said he tried to perform Tommy John surgery on Andrews’ elbow to fix his mentor’s now gushing shoulder, but that only made the bleeding worse. Within a half hour, the renowned surgeon bled out and died.
“I want to apologize to Dr. Andrews’ family,” said Dr. McGee. “And also to all of the athletes he was going to treat in the future. I guess they will just have to retire now. Like an old Indian chief whose language dies with him, Dr. Andrews’ complicated sports surgeries die with him, too.”